He Meant, She Meant by Jenny Lyn Bader & Bill Brazell

Author:Jenny Lyn Bader & Bill Brazell
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780446565363
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2009-09-25T21:00:00+00:00

I

SHE MEANT:

ignore v. to deprive someone of all love and attention, in hopes that he will go away. A technique that often backfires, as people inevitably become more amorous when ignored.

HE MEANT:

ignore v. to exercise one’s right to refuse interaction.

SHE MEANT:

illicit sex n. sex so fun that it is illegal. Not to be confused with implicit sex.

HE MEANT:

illicit sex n. sex you could get shot for having, by either a father or a husband. If that’s the price, make sure it’s good.

SHE MEANT:

iliusionment n. the refusal to be disillusioned.

HE MEANT:

iliusionment n. the use of drugs.

SHE MEANT:

image n. an illustrated idea. Melinda always had an image of how an assistant professor should look, which led her to buy the black antique lace-up boots. Also: a reputation to keep polished. Melinda hoped that the fact she was dating a student wouldn’t hurt her image in the political science department or her chances for tenure.

HE MEANT:

image n. what you have to live up to, once you project it. Unemployment can interfere. Kurt Vonnegut said “You are who you pretend to be,” but to this should be added, “until you get caught being someone else,” as Jimmy Swaggart could attest.

SHE MEANT:

imagine v. to make yourself believe you are happier than you really are.

HE MEANT:

imagine v. to make yourself believe you’re bedding more women than you actually are.

SHE MEANT:

immutable adj. rigid; refusing to improve.

HE MEANT:

immutable adj. rigid; refusing to relax.

SHE MEANT:

implicit sex n. when you’re not doing it but you might as well be. Includes slam-dancing, dirty talk, and the Lambada.

HE MEANT:

implicit sex n. similar to real sex in the way that reserving an airplane ticket is similar to actually sitting on the damn plane.

SHE MEANT:

important adj. brimming with significance, possibility, or hope.

HE MEANT:

important adj. relating to a promotion, or a championship game.

SHE MEANT:

impotent adj. literally: powerless. Figuratively: powerless to have sex. Also: literally powerless to have sex. It is important to have sympathy for the powerless. Otherwise they’ll only get more powerless, not to mention resentful.

HE MEANT:

impotent adj. describes a state that the Pope and his priesthood may pray for, but all other men pray against.

SHE MEANT:

impress v. to put one’s most attractive qualities on bold display.

HE MEANT:

impress v. to provoke admiration. A man may try to compensate for a lack of beauty with money or boasts. Without them he feels naked, and the object of his desire stays clothed.

SHE MEANT:

impulse adj. describes something that one needs to own or eat the moment one sees it.

HE MEANT:

impulse n. a spontaneous force from within, often leading to masturbation.

SHE MEANT:

incoherent adj. too upset to explain why you’re upset.

HE MEANT:

incoherent adj. too afraid to accept that you’re afraid.

SHE MEANT:

incompatible adj. having a worldview so different that it is unnerving.

HE MEANT:

incompatible adj. obsessing about one’s “worldview.”

SHE MEANT:

incompetent adj. inept or hopeless at a given discipline. Jan hoped to have Lloyd declared mentally incompetent at their divorce proceedings.

HE MEANT:

incompetent adj. bungling. Calling a man this is the equivalent of calling a woman “ugly.” It may be true, but it’s impolite.

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